It is sooooooo difficult to handle today’s hyper active kids, right. Of course, as parents we need to yell at them to sober them down, but, is it okay to spank or yell at kids?
A million dollar question, I would say! And, thank you for being here as it shows that you care! Parenting is indeed one of the toughest yet most rewarding jobs in the world! But, no matter how hard we try to sober kids with polite discussions, things just never seem to fall in place.
Can we actually figure out ways to positive parenting?
Well, lets see! I would love to see you write back to me if you were actually able to get new solutions to parenting after reading this blog.
I see and meet many parents around my daughter’s age who is about 7 years old, on a day to day basis. As parents, each one of us strive very hard to provide the best to our little ones, don’t we? We spend so many wonderful hours of parenting only to teach them to learn how to behave. But, at times it gets very depressing to see them getting their ways through negative emotions like irritation, anger, yelling, and not paying any heed to us.
It is a usual routine for some kids, while others get hyper when they are tired or hurt because their sibling or friend took away their favourite stuff? Whatever the reason is, parenting surely gets too tough here.
So, how do we sail through these situations as a positive parent?
Well, let’s figure out….
Emphasise on values not rules.
We often end up saying:
No no don’t pull the tail of the dog…..
No don’t scream….
No don’t hit back….
No don’t throw away things…..
No don’t dirty the bed…..
But, these are only rules and the rules act only superficially. They never hit the core of the child because rules don’t give them the reasoning behind.
In their little minds, they are not able to understand the reason behind being stopped to do all these things. So, rather than defining the rules, we must strive to define the values.
For example, instead of saying stop shouting, we must say be humble. Instead of saying don’t hit back we must say be kind. Instead of saying don’t dirty the bed we must say maintain cleanliness.
By imbibing values to your child, you are actually teaching the child how to behave rather than telling him how not to behave.
Does that make sense?
Do you think it is a good bet?
Also, if you get down to defining rules than you have to make an endless list of things in different phases of life. There will times when your child has gone out to study in high school, at that time rules are only limited to phonic conversations.
But, once you try and instigate values into your child, then behaviour to justify those values comes automatically to him. Of course, the results won’t show up instantly, but you would see things changing soon.
Now coming to whether you should spank or yell at your kid
Okay, imagine you are in a hurry to go to a party of a very close friend. And, you have been preparing to get dressed well for about a week. Now, it’s time to get ready and as you pull out your favourite newly bought dress on bed only to let your child spills his French fries over it.
How would you react? Of course, your anger and frustration is justified!!
But, now let’s see what happens when you yell or spank your kid. The child gets frightened and feel helpless. He does see you annoyed but fails to understand how he has hurt you in anyway.
Of course, your yelling and telling him in high tone makes him understand that he has done something wrong with the dress. But, the child fails to develop any empathy towards you. He fails to understand how helpless and frustrated that one act of his has made you feel. He just sees you angry at him for dirtying your dress!
But, he has not understood how important that dress was for you. So, the chances are the next time may be the child will not mess with your dress but will be open to try his hands on your new shoes, earrings, purse, etc.
So, rather than yelling you must first sit quietly and let that frustration and anger sink in. You must then express your disappointment to your child making him understand how important that dress was for you.
Tell him, that the dress was bought by his dad for you. He bought the dress in your favourite colour only to make sure that you dress well for the party. And, how now you feel totally helpless in having to arrange for an alternative in the 11th hour.
You may think that this is too much information for your child but your child is way too smart than you think he is. He is absorbing everything that you are sharing with him. Moreover, this free expression of how you are feeling to your child makes him understand how has he hurt you actually.
Spanking and yelling only creates fear in your child. It does not make him any wiser. The change in his behaviour is only conditional, you remove the fear and the child behaves the same.
So, let’s be wise and take a step closer to helping our kids become better beings by positive parenting. Of course, I personally end up making mistakes most of the time, but I am willing to learn and make a difference in my parenting style. Are you?