Are you unknowingly over parenting your child?

As doting parents, we always want to raise our kids to become independent, resilient and self-motivated, isn’t it? But, somewhere down the line we get possessive and protective towards our kids and get lost.

The biggest hurdle seen these days is that kids grow up to become extremely cautious of themselves. Even small kids are constantly battling harsh feeling generated from judgmental feedbacks from their peers. I am sure your little one must be asking you on and off, if she has combed her hair nicely, or if she is wearing her ribbon properly, else her friends would laugh at her. You would find this fear of being criticized or being judged in kids’ right from the beginning.

Despite keeping our kids in the shelter of our palms always, we bring them up to become vulnerable to the challenges of life. So, are we really on the right track?

Here are some popular practices as parents that we need to check:

  1. Letting choose: Kids should be allowed to make their own little choices. Small things like

Would you want to hear Akbar’s story or Bheem’s story tonight?

Would you want to wear pink pyjamas or blue pyjamas?

Would you want to paint or do some gardening? Etc.

As parents, we need to allow the kids to choose from various activities. We have to provide them the opportunities to take decisions. This is how you inculcate a sense of decision making ability right from the beginning.

Word of caution: Choosing everything for your kid is actually over parenting them in a way.

  • Inculcate self-introspection: Instead of teaching kids to analyse and rectify the errors, we often bring comparisons in picture to help them learn. For example, we prefer saying, ‘You must improve your drawing as your best buddy draws so well’

The feeling of competition brings in a lot of pressure, negativity, jealousy and a desperate sense of winning which may encourage, lying, cheating and other negative behavior in kids.

The child must always be encouraged to perform his or her best rather than comparing his performance with someone else. Of course, when we grow up we have to compete in the market to exist. But, no matter what job you are in, your uniqueness will instill unique capabilities to shine better.

Competition has instilled a lot of negativity in us. We don’t want to bring up kids as individuals who are always insecure, jealous and on a constant watch of what others are doing. Rather we want to grow up our kids into individuals who believe in their own talents and skills and are wise enough to crave their niche using them.

Never tell your child, ‘Why did you scoreless in Maths while your friends did so well? Rather a better approach would be to ask him about his problem areas in Maths so that your child can improve his next performance as compared to his own current performance.

With this input, your child will get into the habit of self introspecting himself every time he does not perform up to the mark. Also, the child will grow up to automatically observe the plus points in others and try to inculcate those points in himself.

Word of caution: Pushing child to perform by doing comparisons with other kids can be labeled as over parenting. Comparisons pull down the morale of your little ones in the longer run.

Accept your kids in chaotic situations: Labeling the child as clumsy, lazy, disobedient, bad, horrible, rowdy, may cause a permanent harm to your child’s psychology. Always be positive in your tone of communication with your child.

Yelling, threatening, scolding a child makes his feel that he will be loved and accepted only if he or she behaves in a certain way. But, this is not actually true! As parents we love our kids unconditionally from our hearts. But, at times we get so frustrated when the kids don’t behave themselves that we end up adding wrong adjectives to their doings.

I hope this piece of information was helpful. Please feel free to share your thoughts with me on thisJ

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