It is normal for every parent to expect from his child to excel in life. As parents, we put in a lot of effort into nurturing kids, and with all those efforts going in, we naturally expect to see our child grow up to become somebody.
But, often, when expectations are not fulfilled, we feel disheartened and depressed. And, more so, we end up hurting our kids unknowingly in this mere desire of seeing them perform.
Expectations can be really hurting. In fact, expectations can sometimes force our kids into depression if they do not perform as expected.
History must not necessarily repeat
I have seen the famous surgeons expect their daughters and sons to be surgeons; the accomplished lawyers want their kids to be lawyers, the accomplished socialists wish their kids to become socialists, and so on.
But, we must remember that each one of us is unique. Our kids likings may be different than that of ours depending on their skills, and talents. They must be given full freedom to explore the path of their choice.
Often, if passion is turned into work, then there is nothing fulfilling than working day in and out. The best poets, the famous magicians, the singers, the musicians, could mark their names in history only because they chased their passion and turned it into their profession.
So, as parents, I know we want things to be easy for our kids and want to hand over an established legacy to be carried forward. But, each one of us is a soul on a journey. Our interests and passions may not match despite being kins. So, be it! Just let the kids do what they want to do, provided they are serious about their aim.
Expectations lead to depression
So many teens get pushed into depression just because they couldn’t perform as expected. Teens preparing for highly tough medical or engineering exams are often seen depressed and frustrated if they are unable to get through.
Post schooling, there is a lot of pressure on youngsters to get into the right college for a bright future. Owing to immense competition, only 20% of the total applicants are selected in top colleges.
There is no fault if your child is not able to crack such tough exams. Life always has better plans to reveal, and perhaps failure is indicating to you to move in a different direction.
Having a successful profession is necessary to earn a living, but it does not ensure a healthy and happy life. The most successful actors, CEO’s or political figures are NOT THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE ON EARTH.
And eventually, every person settles down in life, chasing his or her own destiny. So, why should there be so much hassle about being able to crack such tough exams? Just take it easy, and teach your young kids to learn from failures and not to repeat them.
Disrespecting your child
Expectations from a kid is only to see him grow and develop but can disrespect the individuality of your child in the longer run. Forcing your expectations on to your child can sometimes act against him. Let me explain this to you with an example:
A national-level swimmer champion lady married another national level swimmer champion man. They have a baby boy after a few years of marriage. Soon, after the child turned three, the couple took him to the swimming pool to train him in swimming.
But, as soon as the child was taken close to the water, he would get frightened and run away. They keep trying it over and over again till when the child turned 5, but his fear did not move any bit.
The parents were hurt and started scolding the child for not following his parents. But, it was not at all the boy’s choice. For all you know, he was hydrophobic due to some bad experience with water in his past life. It is really not his fault to be so scared of water.
All he needed at this point was acceptance from his parents. And, perhaps they could have introduced him to basketball, football, dance, or any other activity of the child’s choice.
But, the parents kept pressurising the child, and with no results coming their way, they eventually went to a counselor and advisor to seek help. Imagine the damage they have unknowingly inflicted upon their innocent child.
Living a life without any expectations is the best way to live. Never expect anything in return from anyone in your life, be it your spouse, your kids or your friend, and you will always be happy!
And, as parents we must look at ourselves as the providers and protectors. Each child is born with his or her own destiny to chase. Let’s accept our kids the way they are and try to bring in positive changes by showering lot of love on them.